A few of my favorites. -All I want to do is massage your back. TRUST me... -Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else. -And, whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it? -All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand. -Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit. -Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy. -Black Holes are where God divided by zero. -Happiness is a belt-fed weapon. And it's corolary: If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, riddle them with bullets. -I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar! -I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming in terror like his passengers. -Ironic isn't it, that God gave the tortoise a drag factor of 0.03. -If you always take time to stop and smell the roses - sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee. -If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished. -Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. (I had this one on my car) -It is as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you. -Necrophillia: That uncontrollable urge to crack open a cold one. -Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of. -So you're a feminist. Isn't that cute! -Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake. -Sure you can trust the government. Just ask an Indian! -The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. -Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes. And two from Rick Bayam and his site www.i-cynic.com -Denial: How an optimist keeps from becoming a pessimist. -Artificial Insemination: Procreation without recreation. [ 05-06-2003, 02:24 PM: Message edited by: post ]