A funny thing happened on the way -

[Jack Mitchell]

Go ahead and fill this thread in.

 

We need a break and a laugh (if but for a moment - humour us)

 

Regards, Jack

[McRae]

... to reading this thread, I seen that Jack started the post and was hopeful that there would be some substance here, but alas, I am used to disappointment.

[Tony]

Funny thing Must have happened to my Boss

On the way to the Moldshop auction down the street...

He came back with 2 coffee can's

filled with Burned up 3 flute Hog mill's!

 

Hey,

My wifes cooking is so bad...

The Fly's all chipped in and

Had the Screen door fixed!

 

My Daughters cooking is so Bad...

The Garbage disposal Threw up!

 

R.Dangerfield

[mold100]

A funny thing once happened to me on my way home a couple years ago,I lost a wheel and did not realize it after 2 miles (there was real deep snow and i never stopped for the car to drop) the guy that stopped and picked my wheel up caught up to me flashed his lights so I pulled over when I completely stopped BOOM,he was pretty pissed all he said was "What are you gonna do now buddy threw my wheel on the ground and left".Ever change a seized up rotor in a snow storm with a wind chill of -20.

Its funny now,When I would go into work sometimes a few guys would leave matchbox cars with 3 wheels on my toolbox.

[Scott Bond]

I had an old guy from the deep south in Alabama named " Bimanishish" . This old guy didn't have any front teeth and with his deep so. accent he was so hard to understand. I used to pay him cash every week to sweep up the shop. He was working for us for about a year when he came into the office and asked if I could pay him a day early, because he had to go. I didn't have cash on me at that moment, so I asked if a check would be o.k. I was a little embarrassed that after a year I didn't know his last name, so while writing the check I cleverly asked, So " Bimanishish" how do you spell your last name . And he replied Mr. Bond you know when you hired me you asked me what do they call you , and I said " You Could call me By My Initials "

[RuffKutt]

ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Scott Bond]

Tony my wife's cooking is so bad ,

One time at a pot-luck BBQ ,,

One of my friends asked ;;;;;

""Hey Scott what are you doing with that plate full of briquettes ?""

I said

""they're not Briquettes they're the wife's

potatoes.""

[STEELTHOM62]

A funny thing happened last year before my football team's playoff semi-final game.My father, a coach for the last 40yrs and a notorious butcher of the english language, gave an emotional , inspiring speech to the team before the game.With every young man in the locker room hanging on his every word, he finished up with a rousing,"You can do it, now go out there and lick their butts!"....We won the game 22-6

[chad fisher]

Well to add to this i think i got a pretty good one for e-mail. The place where i work is pretty large, around 3000 plus i think, and we have our own email "outlook". Well one of our practical jokers has only work e-mail and he gets the usual dirty pics sent to him which we all know is a no no for work e-mail. So he got a brain storm idea that he was going to send this "excuse me ladies" jpeg file of a woman with big hooters "bare" to another guy in the shop, well when your ready to send or foward something we have a

library of all email address's in the company that you just start typing in a couple lettters of the last name and the possible matches come up, well this is where this guy should of paid a little more attention because he had screwed up and sent it to someone else on campus. Luckily we knew who it was when he came and told us, but we didnt tell him. Oh Boy here we go! So we had another guys wife call in here and complian to him about work ethics and how she was christian like and did not believe in any form of pornography and that she was going to report him to human resouces department.

**** was on now! He ended up getting nervous and decided that he better go in and tell the boss what he had done, HA HA, we sceme again, while he is in talking to our boss, i call into boss and tell him that we are playing, but to act serious in the effect that i was my boss's supervisor wanting to have a meeting with that individual and human resource guy. Ha Ha again, he played along and pour ole dean was in such dispair over possibly loosing his job. We let this go on for about three hours "that was the time for the meeting this afternoon" then we finally gave in and told him we were playing. The funny thing is that this guy is normally lazy and slow, well let me tell you, during those three hours i have never seen this man work so hard in the past 6 yrs i have know him. I guess moral of story is pay attention to who you send things too!

Oh well what a day to end a work week! Have fun all!

[Trevor Bailey]

Chad that was soooooo funny. I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall watching that guy. Nothing like creating memorable moments at the work place.

 

Good one,

[chad fisher]

Trust me......................................... it was a golden moment!!!!!

[RuffKutt]

About 8 years ago where I used to work I had friend of mine that worked with me. Our whole crew got along well including our boss,we where all really good friends (this was when I was out in the shop). Well one day my boss was bent over looking at a die when my buddy (Ryan) eased up behind him and started acting like he was humpin him, my boss had no idea. Well ryan turned his head (still humping away) to look at me and I was about to xxxx on my self, as he turns his head back my boss is still bent over looking dead square at Ryan. OOOOOHHHHH the shades of color this man turned. My boss said "you sorry MF im gonna write your a** up. Well Ryan didnt want to be written up so my boss says "OK" and calls the whole crew over to where we are (26 people) and tells Ryan to grab his ankles "What im not grabbin SH*t" he said. After a long debate Ryan grabs his ankle and my boss gets behind him and acts like he is humpin Ryan and my boss says "now look at everbody and tell them your my bitch". At this point I thought Ryan was gonna cry but he mumbled the words as we are all dyin laughing. Lets just say there was no more humpin anybody after that. One of the funniest things I have ever seen.

 

[ 10-25-2002, 04:36 PM: Message edited by: RuffKutt ]

[MetalMarvels]

This happened in a textile mill in Virginia while I was a supervisor.

 

A funny thing happened on the way - through the factory floor to my office. We had a rather statuesque blond who liked to wear rather loose and frilly shirts around the thread-making equipment. She had been told several times not to do that - loose clothing + rotating and reciprocating equipment = bad news. That afternoon, her shirt got snatched right off of her.

 

The women's locker room was at the other end of the plant and it seems that she did not take to wearing the usual female underpinnings (a bra that is). Rather than attempting to "hide", she calmly walked the length of the factory to the locker room.

 

I had to do 3 lost-time accident reports on male employees before she made it to the locker room!

 

She did wear more appropriate clothing after that.

[cadcam]

MetalMarvels I don't know if I beleave this story do you have any pictures to prove it? (Please)

[Tony]

 

[ 10-25-2002, 10:58 PM: Message edited by: Tony ]

[MetalMarvels]

Pictures? I wish! Especially of the guy who got 4 stitches in his right eyebrow because he walked into the outside corner of the wall (his attention had for some reason wandered) - then he had to "explain" it to his wife.

[Jack Mitchell]

"now look at everybody and tell them your my bitch".

 

I cannot tell you how hard I have laughed at that one!

 

Please keep them coming - these are outstanding responses.

 

 

Andrew,

I know you’re playing the devils advocate here, but surely you can contribute something other than the usual scientific analogy; please toss aside that Scottish brogue and tell us a story. I know that deep down inside, there is a long, tall, story to tell.

 

Regards, Jack

[Jack Mitchell]

A funny thing happened on the way to a new sausage shop (J & D Sausages on Hachborn Avenue in the city of Brantford, Ontario, Canada); Naysayer’s beware, for this is a true story!

 

The businesses opened as a smoked meat & sausage outlet. Soon, the owners started taking some pretty serious orders from the street vendors outside of Exhibition stadium (Home of your favorite professional baseball team, and mine – the Toronto Blue Jays). – No flag waving here, just raw talent!

 

I would frequent this place and purchase these mammoth sausages, then bring them home to barbeque for the family etc! These puppies are twice the size of the bun.

 

I coined the term “Babushka” as my inference to these fine sausages; I really don’t know where I heard the term or where in my deviant mind that I came up with this? – Somebody once told me that it refers to child or a baby – who knows.

 

My wife & oldest daughter Vicki go to this place; Linda says to the Ukrainian clerk that she wants 2Lbs of Babushka. The clerk – through broken English - doesn’t know what the hell she is talking about, searches the displays and asks the other employees “what does this woman want”, imagine twelve people all converging at the counter, all speaking broken English.

 

My daughter speaks up and states that maybe its one of Dad’s own creations or nicknames for products – as I always sort of say.

 

Bottom line, my wife refuses to ever return to this place – she left, utterly humiliated, with the sausages – I might add.

 

My daughter found this quite humorous, as do I; Linda and I are still married, why - I cannot possibly know? - God bless this woman, this forum is child’s play compared to what I put this woman through.

 

Regards, Jack

[Mark H]

Jack, Jack, Jack... asking for 2 pounds of someones "grandmother" in a Ukrainian meat market is very strange. No wonder the clerks were confused.

 

Babushka - In Ukrainian the primary definition is Grandmother or old lady, an alternate meaning is the scarf that an older woman wears on her head.

 

[ 10-26-2002, 10:53 AM: Message edited by: Mark H ]

[Jack Mitchell]

Mark,

 

I'm now laughing my xxxx off.

 

Thanks for making my day!

 

Regards, Jack

[Matthew]

A maintenance leadhand was a bit hungry, working a lot of hours, and decided to go through one of the mechanics lockers knowing that he always had some snacks in there. He spots a 2L bottle of Mountain Dew and decides to take a drink of it. He says to himself "This tastes like pi**". He asks the mechanic, what is this? And he replies "it's my urine!".

 

Apparantly his doctor had asked him for a urine sample, and he didn't want it to freeze in the car before he got to the doctors office.

[MetalMarvels]

quote:

---

He spots a 2L bottle of Mountain Dew and decides to take a drink of it. He says to himself "This tastes like pi**". He asks the mechanic, what is this? And he replies "it's my urine!".

---

So someone really HAS bottled instant "yellow snow".

ROFLMAO

[chris m]

Who'd know the difference between Mountain Dew and urine?

[McRae]

Inspired by Jack...

 

The Funnelerator

 

During my University time, we had concocted an assembly of Surgical Tubing and a Large Funnel into a giant Sling Shot (Before they were commercially available). We used these to fling Water Ballons into convertable Volkswagens during PepRallies. (The girls from "I Phelta Thi" got drenched may times...)

 

Anyway, there was a tragic recurance during a alcoholic induced New Years Eve (Nice and clear, cold -30C Ontario Winter Night.) We had some left over tubing but no funnel, so we used the next best thing, a piece of Nagahide...

 

(The thermal properties of nagahide are that at -30C the material will maintian its shape! herein lies the lesson.)

 

We constructed our crude device and then set out for testing, As the snow covered everything we used at first snow balls. Due to the muzzle velocity of these snow balls they immediatly disintegrated. We needed something more solid. My Pal Will found a Brick! I inserted the brick into the pocket, pulled back on the tubing (Associates on either end complete the Giant Sling Shot!) and let it go. (The brick had forced the nagahide to form around it). As the brick accelerated forward there was a rushing air sound, stop and then a rushing air sound as the brick - still in the pocket as it haden't released - reversed and flung itslf right at me. This time, the brick did release and smash right into my right shin with a hollow thud noise I have never heard this before or since...

 

Luckily, I was already medicated and so the pain was managable, My associates all had their fill of laughter at my expense, the bruise was nasty.

 

They relived this story at my wedding reception, for which another thread will need to be started.

 

How was that Jack?

[gcode]

Many years ago, my wife, myself and another couple

were travelling through the badlands of North Dakota on the 4th of July. Near midnight we pulled off the road in the middle of nowhere

for a pit stop. The were no signs of human habiation as far as you could see in any direction.

The Northern Lights were lighting up the sky

putting on an amazing display.

I pointed them out and my friend's wife (the classic dumb blond) looked up and said

"Dave, Do they drop those from airplanes?"