O/T Dating

[CAM-mando]

Thought the dads of girls would appreciate this.

 

Mary, a sixteen year old girl is getting ready for a date. Suddenly there is a knock on the door.

 

Mary: Dad ... can you get that.

Dad: Suuuurrrre

Johnny: Hi I am johnny is Mary here.

Dad: Suuuuuurrrre ... (Dad tosses a bullet to Johnny)

Johnny: Whats' this.

Dad: It's a bullet ... have Mary home by 11:00 or the next one will be going alot faster.

[Hardmill]

Sorry Johnny

 

PEACE

[Mike Mattera - TFM]

No point in beating around the bush.

 

Mike Mattera

[Midwest]

 

I've got 2 daughters.

 

 

 

Thanks for the idea.

[dan m]

when I picked my wife up for our 1st date 3 of her 5 brothers were in the living room cleaning there guns. Then they proceeded to tell me the other 2 were out buying more ammo. I would have hated to see how they treated the guys they didn't know before she started dating them.

[Dan_AKA_ROY]

dan m, I would have been running out the door!!

 

good thing your not me.

 

same first name, though.

[Marty A]

ah yes daughters

i remember my daughters first date like it was yesterday.the kid {tony was his name}came over

and picked her up.i let him in and i just stared at him for a while,you know like wtf do you want with my daughter.well my daughter comes out and says i'm ready to go.i give her a kiss on her

forhead and i turn to the kid with a crazed look

on my face and said,this better be the only kiss she get's tonight.man that was great.ah yes daughters.to this day we still talk about it.

 

 

marty

[Storkman]

quote:

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3 of her 5 brothers were in the living room cleaning there guns. Then they proceeded to tell me the other 2 were out buying more ammo.

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You might be a redneck if...........

[Teh Bear without Brains kinda idiot]

Well ,i was kissing my future wife at the house entance when my actual father-in-law rushed (was hurrying somewhere )out from the house.

The look he gave us I remember till this day ,rather funny !

[Guest CNC Apps Guy 1]

I've got 4 boys. My oldest is dating a really nice girl who's Dad is a cop. I have not heard any horror stories, but I told him I'd kick his arse and tell her dad what I found out if he did anything that would remotely anger her dad. She is really a nice girl and it would kill me if my son did anything to take that away.

 

So far so good and I watch them like a hawk.

[Tim Johnson]

My daughter is 13 but I've got a baseball bat in the basement that's taped up with gauze that I'll be showing her boyfriends. When they ask what the gauze is for the answer will be "If I kill you with this bat I'll only be charged with manslaughter."

[Guest CNC Apps Guy 1]

quote:

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..."If I kill you with this bat I'll only be charged with manslaughter."

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ROFL!!!! Oh man.....

[chris m]

About the only redeeming thing about the movie 'Clueless' is a line that goes something like this: "If you do anything to hurt my daughter, I've got a .45 and a shovel; I doubt anybody'll miss you"

 

C

[SLJ]

When my Sarah had her 1st date, her younger brother and I carefully lined up all our guns on the wall opposite the front door. When Trent came in his eyes got real big, and he was much quiter than normal(had known the kid for years). When Sarah came down the stairs all I heard was "Daaaad"! She's now married to a Boeing Engineer, but Trent still comes around to talk sometimes.

[Rob Peirolo CNC Software]

I show this to the boys "who come a courtin'"

 

8 Rules for Dating My Daughter

 

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package,

because you're sure as heck not picking anything up.

 

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long

as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes

or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

 

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear

their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips.

Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are

complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue,

so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear

showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in

order to assure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course

of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric staple gun and fasten

your trousers securely in place around your waist.

 

Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a

"barrier method" of some kind can kill you.

Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I WILL kill

you.

 

Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports,

politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only

information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my

daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this

subject is "early."

 

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other

girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise,

once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one

but her until she is finished with you.

If you make her cry, I will make YOU cry.

 

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and

more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on

time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her

makeup, a process which can take longer than painting the Golden Gate

Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful,

like changing the oil in my car?

 

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:

Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool.

Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight.

Places where there is darkness.

Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness.

Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to

wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a

sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her adam's apple.

Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided.

Movies which feature chainsaws are okay.

Hockey games are okay.

[Rekd™]

I've got a boy, and I'm here to tell ya.. I'd rather only have one little pink willy to worry about than a hundred of 'em!

[MetalFlake]

 

I've got a model FU for a step son. But I do have 2 step daughters that have always been stand out kids (now in their 20's). Don't know what the deal is with teen males these day's but it would have taken a straight jacket and chains to keep my son from stepping out of line. Now 22 and out of the house 4 years, he doesn't give any more of a sh@$ about responsibity then when he was doing his best to be a better idiot at 15.

 

I'm

 

MF

[MetalFlake]

..just had to vent folks. Sorry. I'm better now.

[Hardmill]

quote:

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If you make her cry, I will make YOU cry.

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Been there done that

 

PEACE

[ScottyB]

quote:

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If you make her cry, I will make YOU cry.

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NUFF SAID!!

 

quote:

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and a goose down parka zipped up to her adam's apple.

---

I prefer my women without Adam's apple...This rule must have been made in San Fran.

 

Parenting 101: Are you a pot head Focher???

 

I laugh now, but I won't be laughing in 12 years.

[Craig Madsen from CM3D]

One of my brothers told his daughter he is buying her a van with the fold down bed in the back. There will be a great sound system, DVD/TV, refrigerator, etc.

 

Because HE wants to be comfortable when SHE goes on dates.

 

Craig Madsen

[Guest CNC Apps Guy 1]

ROFL!!!!

 

Man. I don't think I would be a good dad to a daughter. I would be petrified of being incarcerated. My firearms collection surely would rival my man Nugent's.

[Scott Bond]

The Boy --Kenny--

" Cassie is this truck with one headlight following us ??"

Cassie===========

"Oh! that's just my dad."

 

 

no worries

[Thad]

My Grandpa on my Mom's side is a dirty old man. When my Mom and Dad returned from their first date, my Grandpa said to my Dad, "So Freddy, did you play with Sheryl's xxxx tonight?" We laughed about that one for years!

 

Thad

[dan m]

quote:

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You might be a redneck if...........

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Yep that pretty much explains my brother-in-laws